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Hello Folks....
How are we all enjoying September... My September has been.. up and down.. fabulous days.. and then recently a few shite days.. but we wont go to much into my stomach bug.... but what goes in must come out.. but at such speed.... YUCK!!! lol...
Now if I was into Scat .. I could have shat on a few folk this week.. for hours. and hours and hours.. But more in a liquid fertilizer type way.. hee hee I know Im grossing you all out.. well when you get to my age APPARENTLY.. so im told.. talking about toilet happenings is normal.... I HOPE F****ing NOT!!!! ..
God I know I can be boring .. cause I dont read papers.. or watch the news.. cause its full of misery... or watch the soaps to keep a breast of the times.... lol.. JOKING!!!!!
With breasts like mine.. they act as there own satellite navigation.. I can tune into anything I want anytime I want.. lol I just choose not too... hahahahhaha
yeah right then!!!!
But the thought that talking shite .. now now.. be nice... lol ... is all I can look forward to.. take me now OH LORD!!!!!!
I may write it ocassionally.. But you do realise it is only for your amusement.. *cheeky smile*
So as you can guess I've been feeling a bit.. shite recently.. lol..
So as all good girls.. Ive stayed in bed.. well on and off.. hee hee
To amuse myself... as Im single and thats what single gals have to do.. amuse themselves... lol..
I decided to check out the funny pages.. and have found some tip top jokes that have amused me no end... and not a mention of shite in them.. but to you they may be shite jokes... lol...
So below you will find some amusing Blonde Jokes.. Cause Im a gal that likes to have a laugh.. and I can laugh at myself.. infact i do often.. lol well if you know me you know that! lol. so nothing new there.. hee hee any blonde ladies reading this please do not be offended.. I know top and tail do not match in me.. but I do consider myself a blonde... *smile* and no offence is intended... Just the intention to raise a smile.. maybe even a chuckle or a snorkle... . So relax enjoy and unbuckle your chuckle...
My favourites are at the bottom... saving them for last! *smile*
Love Lilli xxx
BLONDE JOKES.
NUMBER FOR JACK
Blonde Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "IâeTMm sorry, I donâeTMt understand who you are talking about".
Blond Caller: "On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
MY BODY HURTS
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctorâeTMs office and said that her
body hurt wherever she touched it.
âe"Impossible!âeTM says the doctor. âe"Show me.âeTM
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed,
then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee
and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she
touched made her scream.
The doctor said, âe"YouâeTMre not really a redhead, are you?
âe"Well, noâeTM she said, âe"IâeTMm actually a blonde.âeTM
âe"I thought so,âeTM the doctor said. âe"Your finger is broken.âeTM
FOUR LETTER WORDS.. Oh how I relate.. lol lilli
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.
"Oh mamma!" she exclaimed. "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!"
No sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying. "But mamma . . . as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. HeâeTMs been saying things IâeTMve never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! YouâeTMve got to come get me and take me homeâe¦ please mamma!"
"Now Sarah . . ." her mother answered. "Calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?"
"Please donâeTMt make me tell you, mamma." wept the daughter.
"IâeTMm so embarrassed! TheyâeTMre just too awful! YouâeTMve got to come get me and take me homeâe¦ please mamma!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset . . .
Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mamma . . . words like dust, wash, iron, and cook!"
And my favourites.... lol.. Oh they made me almost pee my pants.... Lilli
BLONDE PUZZLE
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over, I need help urgently! I bought a jigsaw puzzle, and I canâeTMt even start it. Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when itâeTMs finished?"
The blonde replies, "According to the picture on the box, itâeTMs a big chicken." Her boyfriend hurries over to find the puzzle spread over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box. Turning to his girlfriend he says, "First of all, no matter what we do, weâeTMre not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a chicken"
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, IâeTMd advise you to relax. LetâeTMs have a cup of coffee, and thenâe¦" he sighs, "letâeTMs put all these Corn Flakes back in the boxâe¦
I STEPPED OUT OF THE CIRCLE..
"One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truckâeTMs driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her whatâeTMs so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you werenâeTMt looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
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